The code
The unwritten rules of the urinal
Nobody teaches them. Everybody knows them. Break one and every man in the room feels it. Here they are, written down at last.
The eight rules
- 01
The End Rule
Empty room? Take an end urinal. It leaves the most room for whoever walks in next, and it’s the only spot with a wall on one side.
- 02
The Buffer Rule
Otherwise, pick the urinal furthest from anyone already there. One empty urinal between you is the minimum. Two is a kindness.
- 03
The Neighbour Rule
Never stand right next to someone when there is any other option. If there isn’t, see the Cubicle Clause.
- 04
The Wall Rule
Eyes forward. The tiles are fascinating. Count them. Look up, never sideways and never, ever down.
- 05
The Silence Rule
No conversation beyond a nod. Phone calls are worse: everyone at the row is now in your meeting.
- 06
The Splash Rule
Stand close and aim at a shallow angle. What misses stays there for the next man. Physicists have filmed it.
- 07
The Cubicle Clause
If every safe urinal is gone, a cubicle is always allowed. Nobody has ever been judged for privacy.
- 08
The Exit Rule
Flush. Wash your hands. Do not shake anyone’s hand on the way out until you have.
Pop quiz · 1/6
Score 0
You walk in. Which urinal do you pick?
Tap a free urinal.
Not every man plays by the same rules
In the game, as in life, it depends who you are. These are the three kinds of men you can be, and what each one can get away with.
The Regular
Most of us. Takes the urinal furthest from everyone. One gap is Okay; right next to someone is Awkward.
The Alpha
Chain, sunglasses, no fear. Standing right next to someone is only Okay for him, not Awkward.
The Shy
Hood up. Needs at least two empty urinals between him and anyone. If the door opens, the moment is gone.
When the rules collide
The rules work beautifully until the room fills up. Sometimes being polite to the man already there forces the next man to stand next to someone. Sometimes the only safe urinal is out of order. Sometimes the door opens just as you get started, a cleaner mops round your feet, or a father arrives with a son who has questions.
That’s when etiquette becomes a puzzle, and it’s exactly what Urinal Rules Forever is about. Meet the troublemakers in The Regulars, or read the science inthe 1976 study that timed men at the urinal.
Quick answers
Which urinal should you pick?
In an empty room, an end urinal. Otherwise, the one furthest from anyone already there, and never the one right next to someone if another is free.
Is it rude to talk at the urinal?
Generally, yes. A nod is fine. Conversation, and especially phone calls, put everyone around you in an awkward position.
What if the only free urinal is next to someone?
Use a cubicle if one is free. If not, take it, keep your eyes forward and be quick. Dividers between urinals make it more bearable.
Why do men leave a gap between urinals?
Partly manners, partly biology: a 1976 study found men took longer to start when a stranger stood at the next urinal.